so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Randomize
