My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
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