She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize