I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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