You smell like a Billy Joel song
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
