I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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