my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize