I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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