I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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