When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
