You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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