I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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