whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
