Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
you inspire me to be a worse person
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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