Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Randomize
