i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
