He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
