1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize