Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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