If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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