Someone shit on the floor
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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