she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Randomize
