Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Randomize
