it was like eating out sand paper
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
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