i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
