chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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