these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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