I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
