So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
