In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
