Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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