He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
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