you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
it's like heaven, but drunker
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
