I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
