HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
