I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
