I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
