If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
