We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
