I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Randomize
