so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
