I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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