Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
