so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Randomize
