His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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