the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
