man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
