Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
