My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
