when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
where are my pants?
in the oven.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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