Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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