Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
