make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
