And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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