I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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