I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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