I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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