I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
