Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
