nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
