the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
