JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
