i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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