Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
