hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
