at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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