Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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