You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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