Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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