What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
