I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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