I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
