Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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