I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
