the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Randomize
