guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
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