She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize