I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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