Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
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