Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
