we're blogging at a bar
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
