fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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