And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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