If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Randomize
