question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
