YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Randomize
