corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
