apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
