Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
True strength comes from lack of pants
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
