Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize