So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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