how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize