I feel like I'm in dance class right now
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
