So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize
