Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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