Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I'm passing your future prison.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
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