If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
