I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
She announced her abortion via fbk
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
