I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
