You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Found the puke drawer
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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