why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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