im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
