No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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