My room smells like vodka and shame
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
