Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Randomize
