If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
