Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
