Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
