Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
