Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
