My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
