U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
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