Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize