The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
...so i touched it.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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