two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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