He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
