Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
